College for Idiots: Advice

1. Do not tell your roommates when you first met them that they either:
-look anorexic
-look like someone you saw on America's Most Wanted
-smell or look dirty
-are unattractive/ not wealthy enough for you to interact with
-they shouldn't have been accepted to this college, let alone
anywhere else
-is their voice usually that annoying or are they just trying to
sound like Fran Drescher

2. Do not foolishly agree to be their best friend forever on the first day you meet. If someone is asking you that then there is something really really wrong.

3. Pop Tarts. They are fun, many varieties, they look pretty with sprinkles. However, they are fattening. Just because they are strawberry or blueberry does not mean they qualify as a fruit. If you continuously eat an entire pack twice a day you will end up looking like the Blueberry girl from Willy Wonka.

4. Rolling backpacks are evil and will cause you to be made fun of frequently. Professors carry them this should be enough of a hint. Rolling backpacks are just as uncool as they were in high school.

5. If your roommate is a hermit they probably don't bathe frequently either. This means:
- they will smell
- they will make your apartment smell
- their filth will begin to spread everywhere
- they may have diseases, DO NOT touch them

6. Never ever take all 8 am. classes unless you are forced to do so. You will not wake up for your 8 am. classes after awhile. Either that or you will wake up and then go back to sleep. Setting your alarm across the room will not help you will get up turn it off and go back to bed. Another five minutes will turn into another hour.

7. Sharing a room with someone is fine. Sharing a room with someone and their significant other is not fine. Especially if they only see their significant other every few weeks. Unless you enjoy watching people touch each other's peepee's and whoha's and having really loud, animal like sex you probably won't appreciate the humping.