College For Idiots

So, you had a pet when you were in high school and you feel lonely without. Well, what are you going to do about this situation?

1. Where do you live? If you live in an apartment like most
college kids the bigger dogs are probably not the best choice.
However, if you have them trained well and aren’t going to be
living in that small of a place forever then I guess that could
be okay. Most likely you would probably have to take the dog
on a walk constantly.

2. What kind of animal person are you? Yippy small dogs are evil
and if you buy one I give your friends and neighbors permission
to kill it.

3. Cat People: You like cats, that’s cool I kind of like them too.
Well actually I like my cat. I can annoy the crap out of him
which makes him more fun. Oh, on a positive note cats are
easier to have in apartments because they don’t need as much
room to run around as dogs. They also train easier; and by
train I mean they pee and poop in litter boxes and don’t need
to be taken out. I have yet to figure out if my cat will obey
such commands as sit. However, I am almost positive that even
if he knew what that meant he wouldn’t sit just to spite me.

4. Are you the type of person that wants to dress their pet in
clothes? If you are you are unable to own a pet because you
are a jackass. Unless like me you are doing this because you
think it is funny not because you think it is cute. If you
think putting your dog or cat in an outfit because it would
look absolutely adorable then I hate you. Oh, and if you own
something like a ferret and you want to dress it up you are
disturbed, really disturbed.

5. Do you plan or referring to your pet as your child. If you do
you are not fit to own a pet. You did not birth your pet so do
not tell it to: “come to Mommy” or “Mommy doesn’t like it when
you pee on the rug”.

6. Do you get frustrating when you have to clean up after
yourself? If you so a pet is not probably the best idea
because if you won’t pick up your filth you will definitely not
pick up another animals filth.

7. Owning a stray. Yes, this is very nice. However, here are
some things you must do. Take it to the vet first thing before
you bring it in to your home. Please get it neutered or
spayed. Also as a stray it might have some emotional problems
so beware.

8. Finally, if you like to burn things don’t get a pet. Or if you
admire Michael Vick don’t get a pet.

Ingredients:
-Pasta Noodles: as many as you want
-Salad Dressing: I prefer Italian dressing
-Vegetables
-Parmesan Cheese
-Mozzarella

Directions:
-It's pretty simple, so simple my fat lazy cat can make it. I can also cook it without burning anything or blowing anything up in the microwave.
-First, you boil the noodles. Hard, right?
-Cool the boiled noodles under cold water.
-Add the dressing, as much as you want.
-Cut up the Vegetables, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and broccoli, whatever.
-Add the cheese.

There you go what a nice meal. Granted your breath will smell really bad so people probably won't want to make out with you afterwards but no biggie.

So, what do you to when you are in college and broke? Well, there are a couple of options . . . some good ones and some not so good ones.

1. Get a loan. Ha, no see what good that does you in ten years when you haven't paid them back and your parents don't love you and won't pay them. Eventually you will become a hobo living in a box whose parents have disowned you. Sounds fun doesn't it? Fuck Stafford Loans drawing you in with their stupid commercials that show happy students. Those students won't be so happy in a few years when the government reposes everything they own and they are sitting in a box smelling of their own feces.

2. Scholarships. Are you a white, protestant, Caucasian male with no disabilities if so you are not getting a scholarship. Are you of average intelligence with parents that make a decent living but still can't really afford for you to go to school. Fuck you, you are getting shit from the government. Unless you live in South Carolina, have above a 3.0 and go to an instate school. Then you automatically get a scholarship. Either that or you need to sleep with someone on the scholarship committee. Cause let's face it $1000 dollars is not going to get you very far.

3. Whoring yourself out. Do you like STD's, possible pregnancies, incriminating photos, then this is the perfect job for you.

4. Cleaning services. I contemplated this, it didn't work. Have you every seen a college apartment. They are gross. Are you a girl? If you so it is not safe to go into strangers apartments and clean for them.

5. Saving money. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah right.

6. Being Architecture major. No, never going to happen. This is more a warning than a way to save money. If you value money at all do not become architecture major or an art major. They will drain you of all your savings and laugh. Then tell you to stay up all night use up all your supplies and go spend another 80 bucks for your next project.

7. Getting a job. This works sometimes. Unless you aren't the best student or just need to concentrate on school. However, a good job to get would be something helping out on campus. Like a person who sits at the desk in the gym. They don't do a lot so you could probably use some of your time doing school work. Being a secretary, I did that for the Dean of Advising. You know what I did at that job nothing. So, this was the perfect time for me to do homework. However, I am architecture major so carrying in a huge cardboard building doesn't work so well.

8. Making your relatives feel so bad they send you money. This is good very good. Relatives are wonderful and an easy way to get money.

9. Riding a bike instead of a car to school. Ha, that's funny just wait till January and we will reevaluate that idea.

10. Stay broke and be useless and lazy. Best idea ever.

Stuffed Shells (serves about four or two for more than one meal)

Ingredients:
1 egg
16 oz. Ricotta Cheese
1 box of raw noodle shells
1 pound of ground beef
1 can of spaghetti sauce
1 bag shredded mozzarella

Directions:

-First Boil Water: amount depends on how many noodles you want to make
-Add the noodles to the water once it reaches a boil
-While noodles are cooking begin to brown the ground beef (use a frying pan)
-Remove noodles from water when they are semi cooked, too soft and you won't be able to stuff them
-Take the meat off the burner
-Add the meat to the sauce set aside
-Let the noodles cool
-Mix 16 oz. of ricotta with one egg
-Add mozzarella to the cheese for taste (as much as you want)
-Stuff the shells with the cheese; about one spoonful
-Place shells in a 13" by 9" glass baking pan
-Pour sauce over the shells
-Put tinfoil over the pan
-Bake at 350 for 25 minutes

And there you go you have a fancy meal that will get you laid. Add some wine and maybe some frozen vegetables and bread and the most dateable person will look attractive. Good luck!

P.S. I would love input on my recipes and recipes of your own. I have done all of these multiple times but new spices or ideas are welcome! Leave a comment!