College For Idiots

1. If you are really confused just go with undeclared when you are applying for college. Don’t just close your eyes and point because then you might end up in something like waster management. If they don’t have exactly what you want don’t pick the major that sounds the most like your first choice. Most likely it is nothing like what you were expecting. For example Language and International Trade is nothing like International Relations. One involves a lot more math than the other; which isn’t good if you hate math with a burning passion.

2. Certain majors involve more work than others. So, if you want to be busy with school work all the time pick something like engineering, architecture, or pre-med. If you would rather be drunk 24 hours a day try something like art or tourism. From what I have seen finance is also an easy major because my friends in it never do homework and drink seven days a week. Horrid bastards.

3. If you are trying to meet your future husband or wife then you are retarded and should have never been accepted to college. However, if this is the case go for a major that is filled almost completely with the opposite sex. Teaching and nursing have a lot of girls and engineering has boys. So good luck being a worthless individual who doesn’t care about having a real career.

4. Realize that certain majors require certain things. Sports management requires you to be an athlete or someone who wants to work for ESPN. Teaching means you don’t feel the need to beat children on a regular basis. Engineering means that you never ever want to see any girls (if you are a guy). Nursing means you won’t mind watching people crap in bed pans. English means you will probably take some kind of hallucinogenic drugs. Unless of course you want to be a teacher then once again you should probably like children. Agriculture means that there is obviously nothing else for you to do. Math means . . . well I don’t know what it means I have never seen a math major out in public before; three years in college and I still haven’t met one.

5. Never ever pick something you hate because it will make you money in the long run. Eventually you will go crazy, stop going to classes, and end up dropping out of college. Then you will be a bum with no money. Maybe you shouldn’t have picked engineering even though you hated math.

6. Certain majors won’t fix your life. If you issues and need to see a psychologist becoming one is not the answer. Crazy people can’t cure themselves; it just isn’t logical. Sucking at math doesn’t mean that by majoring in math you will suddenly become a mathematical genius. Not having patience with children will not come from being an education major. I personally think wanted to be a teacher is meant for some really patient, awesome people who have an innate liking toward kids.

7. I have yet to find a single major that doesn’t involve homework. So, sorry suck it up. At some point you will have to do work no matter how easy your major seems to be at the time.

So far I learned several things in college. Some were good and some were traumatizing but overall I had enjoyed my first three months of college.

One weekend in early December I decided to visit one of my good friends from back home at USC (as in the University of South Carolina). That Friday see drove up to Clemson to pick me up and take me back to Columbia with her. I didn’t have a car so I wasn’t able to drive to USC.

The weekend went pretty well. I was spending some time away from my boyfriend and I learned that I definitely picked the right school to attend.

I saw several people from my high school that I hadn’t seen since graduation which was a bit strange. It was especially strange because we all ended up at the same party. I guess preppy rich kids all cling to the same type of parties.

That weekend I tried my first party punch, jungle juice, or whatever you want to call it. I then realized why Everclear was illegal in several states and why party punch was such a popular drink.

Around four the next morning I woke still drunk that was a sign. I shouldn’t have drunk an entire cup of punch, oh well.

That Sunday, after lunch, my friend drove me back to Clemson. Two hours later we walked into my apartment and for some strange reason my bedroom door was closed.

Whatever, it was my bedroom it was safe to walk in it. Apparently I was wrong. The door was not locked and to my surprise my roommate was having sex with her boyfriend on my bed. My friend and I screamed then slammed the door shut.

A few minutes later my friend left to head back to USC. I’m surprised she didn’t sprint out of the apartment. She had already been disturbed by the events Halloween weekend when we found sperm all over the pullout couch in the common room.

She would probably never want to come to Clemson again. After she left I immediately called my boyfriend and asked him to come pick me up from my apartment.

I had been having several problems with my roommates as is so this was the final straw. I like my roommates they were just impossible to live with.

A few minutes later my roommate who was having sex on my bed walked in the room and said: “I thought you had moved out.” Okay, yeah I moved out that is why my stuff was still in the room. That was a logical comment. Oh well.

As I waited for my boyfriend to pick me up I began packing all my stuff. I promptly called my best friend at school and asked her if I could stay with her for the next few weeks until I got the dorm room change.

I also took the time for him to arrive to dispose of the channel changer that my roommate apparently has sex on top of and may have some point shoved in an orifice of her’s or her boyfriend’s.