College For Idiots

So, what do you to when you are in college and broke? Well, there are a couple of options . . . some good ones and some not so good ones.

1. Get a loan. Ha, no see what good that does you in ten years when you haven't paid them back and your parents don't love you and won't pay them. Eventually you will become a hobo living in a box whose parents have disowned you. Sounds fun doesn't it? Fuck Stafford Loans drawing you in with their stupid commercials that show happy students. Those students won't be so happy in a few years when the government reposes everything they own and they are sitting in a box smelling of their own feces.

2. Scholarships. Are you a white, protestant, Caucasian male with no disabilities if so you are not getting a scholarship. Are you of average intelligence with parents that make a decent living but still can't really afford for you to go to school. Fuck you, you are getting shit from the government. Unless you live in South Carolina, have above a 3.0 and go to an instate school. Then you automatically get a scholarship. Either that or you need to sleep with someone on the scholarship committee. Cause let's face it $1000 dollars is not going to get you very far.

3. Whoring yourself out. Do you like STD's, possible pregnancies, incriminating photos, then this is the perfect job for you.

4. Cleaning services. I contemplated this, it didn't work. Have you every seen a college apartment. They are gross. Are you a girl? If you so it is not safe to go into strangers apartments and clean for them.

5. Saving money. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah right.

6. Being Architecture major. No, never going to happen. This is more a warning than a way to save money. If you value money at all do not become architecture major or an art major. They will drain you of all your savings and laugh. Then tell you to stay up all night use up all your supplies and go spend another 80 bucks for your next project.

7. Getting a job. This works sometimes. Unless you aren't the best student or just need to concentrate on school. However, a good job to get would be something helping out on campus. Like a person who sits at the desk in the gym. They don't do a lot so you could probably use some of your time doing school work. Being a secretary, I did that for the Dean of Advising. You know what I did at that job nothing. So, this was the perfect time for me to do homework. However, I am architecture major so carrying in a huge cardboard building doesn't work so well.

8. Making your relatives feel so bad they send you money. This is good very good. Relatives are wonderful and an easy way to get money.

9. Riding a bike instead of a car to school. Ha, that's funny just wait till January and we will reevaluate that idea.

10. Stay broke and be useless and lazy. Best idea ever.