College For Idiots

So, you had a pet when you were in high school and you feel lonely without. Well, what are you going to do about this situation?

1. Where do you live? If you live in an apartment like most
college kids the bigger dogs are probably not the best choice.
However, if you have them trained well and aren’t going to be
living in that small of a place forever then I guess that could
be okay. Most likely you would probably have to take the dog
on a walk constantly.

2. What kind of animal person are you? Yippy small dogs are evil
and if you buy one I give your friends and neighbors permission
to kill it.

3. Cat People: You like cats, that’s cool I kind of like them too.
Well actually I like my cat. I can annoy the crap out of him
which makes him more fun. Oh, on a positive note cats are
easier to have in apartments because they don’t need as much
room to run around as dogs. They also train easier; and by
train I mean they pee and poop in litter boxes and don’t need
to be taken out. I have yet to figure out if my cat will obey
such commands as sit. However, I am almost positive that even
if he knew what that meant he wouldn’t sit just to spite me.

4. Are you the type of person that wants to dress their pet in
clothes? If you are you are unable to own a pet because you
are a jackass. Unless like me you are doing this because you
think it is funny not because you think it is cute. If you
think putting your dog or cat in an outfit because it would
look absolutely adorable then I hate you. Oh, and if you own
something like a ferret and you want to dress it up you are
disturbed, really disturbed.

5. Do you plan or referring to your pet as your child. If you do
you are not fit to own a pet. You did not birth your pet so do
not tell it to: “come to Mommy” or “Mommy doesn’t like it when
you pee on the rug”.

6. Do you get frustrating when you have to clean up after
yourself? If you so a pet is not probably the best idea
because if you won’t pick up your filth you will definitely not
pick up another animals filth.

7. Owning a stray. Yes, this is very nice. However, here are
some things you must do. Take it to the vet first thing before
you bring it in to your home. Please get it neutered or
spayed. Also as a stray it might have some emotional problems
so beware.

8. Finally, if you like to burn things don’t get a pet. Or if you
admire Michael Vick don’t get a pet.