College For Idiots: Crazy Stories

So, my first dorm room ever. It was special but for a few months I called it home. That is until my insane roommates became unbearable and I had to move out. However, it was livable for awhile.
To make it livable though there were several things I need to do to it. They were as follows. . .

1. Cover the water (piss) stains on the walls up with pretty posters of places I would rather be at the current moment.

2. Do not walk barefoot. The floor will probably give me planter’s warts, athlete’s foot, or (worst of all) cooties. This meant I need to place nasty, old flip-flops in strategic places around the room.

3. Remove pictures of retarded, fat, old Italian men from the wall that my most evil roommate and her gay dad in denial put in the kitchen. Italian people are not all fat and we do not all make pasta. However, later that day they were quickly replaced by gay dad in denial. As he said a kitchen was not a kitchen unless there were fat Italian people in there and since I was not fat that would not work.

4. Make sure clothes do not encroach on the most evil roommate’s side of the closet. Apparently our closet was like the North and the South during the Civil War. If a Yankee entered Rebel territory they would die. In other words if my poor clothes touched her expensive designer clothes my clothes would be thrown away. The North Face apparently will not tolerate American Eagle, who knew? Yes, that is right according to her my American Eagle clothing was poor people’s attire. Several weeks into the year I was also subjected to an interrogation on how someone can purchase and outfit for under $100. Shocking I know but it was true I could buy a whole outfit for under $100.

5. Pick a dresser and pick well. If not I might die.

Alright well those were my plans for my room I guess they would work. However, the commons area I had no control over. The fourth and the worst of all my roommates had decided she and her parents (that included her gay married to a woman father) would be the decorators. This meant that my other roommates pathetic 19 inch TV had to be disposed of right away.

The replacement TV was a 20 inch fancy, ass flat screen TV. This TV probably cost all of what I had made that summer working in the mall food court back home. Of course, this meant I was not entirely comfortable watching the TV. So, instead I would stick with my nice seven year old 13 inch that was in my dorm bedroom.

Now since we had a normal 19 inch TV that needed to be disposed of, so the super mean roommate threw it in front of the other girl’s door. Yes, because that was the nice thing to do. Throw a TV at your roommate. I guess in rich land throwing TV’s does not matter since they are just disposable pieces of junk not expensive electronics.

The best part was next when the bitch and her family asked me to hook up the cable since I obviously worked with my hands. I guess that was implying that I was poor. Ah, college roommates. They are interesting to say the least.